Hawks Win! Hawks Win! It’s been 13 years since anyone could say that about a Chicago ice hockey team in the playoffs and I predicted it here when Mike Keenan pulled a “Jimmy the Greek” after game four (see previous blog).
Sure we can attribute it to a younger, hungrier team with fresh legs. But in the end, Game 6 went to the Hawks because the Keenan-led Flames continually double shifted star centerman Jarome Iginla. All respect goes to the versatile two-way former MVP, but 24 minutes in ice time? Only Calgary defenseman Adrian Aucoin played more – unheard of for a forward – even in the playoffs. Iginla took a face-off with six different line configurations. He didn’t know if he was there to score or check. How else can anyone explain his presence on the ice when Adam Burish scored his first playoff goal midway through the first?
When a hockey coach loses faith in his aging team and keeps his star on the ice, skating with every line for the entire game, the star either steps up or turtles. Iginla turtled with only two of his team’s 44 shots and a minus 2 for the game. And the blame goes to Keenan. Hey Mike, the curtain is up and its show time, the Stanley Cup playoffs. You either have your lines set or you don’t. You didn’t.
Go ahead and take the summer to think about it, tough guy.
Prediction: Blackhawks lose in 6 to Vancouver. And that's the Word of Sand.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
All time Chicago busts
Chicago sports teams have enjoyed a grand legacy of picking up scraps and cast-offs from other teams and trying to fit these square pegs into round holes. Today we present the Chicago scrap-heap pageant:
The Bears:
Second runner up: Edgar Bennett - former packer featured back gains 611 yards
First runner up: Steve Walsh - actually took a team of pretenders to a wild card game victory
Champion: Rick Mirer - From Notre Dame to Seattle to Chicago to MetLife, Rick we hardly new ye
The Hawks:
Second runner up: Michel Goulet - the former Nordiques looked lost trying to keep up with Larmer and Roenick
First runner up: Bobo Probert - Detroit's greatest brawler got off the coke and on the booze and forgot how to fight
Champion: Theo Fleury - Is anyone surprised no one is asking the former Flame turned Hawk for his bourbon fueled analysis on the playoff series between the only two teams he served
The Sox:
Second runner up: Albert (Joey) Belle - STAY OFF MY LAWN!
First runner up: Javier Vazquez - No guts in the clutch
Champion: Jaime Navarro - 25 wins and 43 losses over 3 seasons
The Cubs:
Second runners up: You pick the broken down releiver - Mike Scott, Mel Rojas, Goose Gossage, Dave Smith, Dan Plesac, Antonio Alfonseca. Why?
First runner up: Jeff Blauser - yeah I know, but look it up
And now we have the latest champion for the city to crown. Milton Bradley presents, "The Milton Bradley Game!" How many rolls of the dice before Milton is sidelined by a hangnail! Spin the wheel to see how many at bats he'll go between hits! Take a chance and draw a meltdown card!
We've seen this game before and it always ends the same. Chicago teams can not sign a free agent to success. Randy Moss or Kurt Warner? Pass. But Dave Krieg is available? COME ON DOWN!
Milton has another 5 weeks before he goes on the 60 day DL and that's the beginning of the end. And that's the word of sand.
The Bears:
Second runner up: Edgar Bennett - former packer featured back gains 611 yards
First runner up: Steve Walsh - actually took a team of pretenders to a wild card game victory
Champion: Rick Mirer - From Notre Dame to Seattle to Chicago to MetLife, Rick we hardly new ye
The Hawks:
Second runner up: Michel Goulet - the former Nordiques looked lost trying to keep up with Larmer and Roenick
First runner up: Bobo Probert - Detroit's greatest brawler got off the coke and on the booze and forgot how to fight
Champion: Theo Fleury - Is anyone surprised no one is asking the former Flame turned Hawk for his bourbon fueled analysis on the playoff series between the only two teams he served
The Sox:
Second runner up: Albert (Joey) Belle - STAY OFF MY LAWN!
First runner up: Javier Vazquez - No guts in the clutch
Champion: Jaime Navarro - 25 wins and 43 losses over 3 seasons
The Cubs:
Second runners up: You pick the broken down releiver - Mike Scott, Mel Rojas, Goose Gossage, Dave Smith, Dan Plesac, Antonio Alfonseca. Why?
First runner up: Jeff Blauser - yeah I know, but look it up
And now we have the latest champion for the city to crown. Milton Bradley presents, "The Milton Bradley Game!" How many rolls of the dice before Milton is sidelined by a hangnail! Spin the wheel to see how many at bats he'll go between hits! Take a chance and draw a meltdown card!
We've seen this game before and it always ends the same. Chicago teams can not sign a free agent to success. Randy Moss or Kurt Warner? Pass. But Dave Krieg is available? COME ON DOWN!
Milton has another 5 weeks before he goes on the 60 day DL and that's the beginning of the end. And that's the word of sand.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Mike Keenan is a bitch
Two days ago, I said the Hawks would lose in the playoffs because of Adam Burish's stupidity when time was running out in Game 3 vs. the Calgary Flames. Today I retract that.
I retract that based on the hypocritical bitchiness of one Mike Keenan - coach of the Calgary Flamers. To wit, Keenan's quote, "The Chicago Blackhawks used tactics late in the game that weren't something the game needs. The game doesn't need it, and the emotional response I have is "Why?" Keenan said, "Why engage in those tactics?"
WHY? The reason why is, "BECAUSE YOU ARE HYPOCRITICAL BITCH, MIKE!"
Mike Keenan, the man who put Stu Grimson and Mike Peluso on the ice in the waning seconds of every loss to thrash those who dared beat him when he was at the Hawks helm wants to know why. Mike Keenan, the man who made bleeding thug Nick Kypreos famous in 1994 -the only year he won a championship - is confused. Mike Keenan, the architect of taking moral victory from a loss by beating the snot of the other teams' talent is at a loss.
The reason why, Mike is to expose you for the fraud you are. Your history in this game as a final minutes goon means you don't get to ask these questions. You get to react and coach better and keep your pie-hole shut tight. Put up your dukes and fight like a man, you bitch. And god help Joel Quenneville if he takes Keenan's bait. You've got them outgunned, outmanned, and outclassed. Now take it. And that's the word of Sand.
http://www.throwingheat.vpweb.com/
I retract that based on the hypocritical bitchiness of one Mike Keenan - coach of the Calgary Flamers. To wit, Keenan's quote, "The Chicago Blackhawks used tactics late in the game that weren't something the game needs. The game doesn't need it, and the emotional response I have is "Why?" Keenan said, "Why engage in those tactics?"
WHY? The reason why is, "BECAUSE YOU ARE HYPOCRITICAL BITCH, MIKE!"
Mike Keenan, the man who put Stu Grimson and Mike Peluso on the ice in the waning seconds of every loss to thrash those who dared beat him when he was at the Hawks helm wants to know why. Mike Keenan, the man who made bleeding thug Nick Kypreos famous in 1994 -the only year he won a championship - is confused. Mike Keenan, the architect of taking moral victory from a loss by beating the snot of the other teams' talent is at a loss.
The reason why, Mike is to expose you for the fraud you are. Your history in this game as a final minutes goon means you don't get to ask these questions. You get to react and coach better and keep your pie-hole shut tight. Put up your dukes and fight like a man, you bitch. And god help Joel Quenneville if he takes Keenan's bait. You've got them outgunned, outmanned, and outclassed. Now take it. And that's the word of Sand.
http://www.throwingheat.vpweb.com/
Monday, April 20, 2009
Dumb kids on ice
It was May 8, 1996 and the Campbell Conference had been dead for three years. After sweeping Calgary in the opening round of the playoffs, the Blackhawks enjoyed a 2 games to 1 advantage over the Colorado Avalance. Time was winding down in the second period of game 4 and when the clock said 0:00 Centerman Jeff Shantz took the initiative to cross-check Claude Lemieux (the Curt Schilling of hockey) in the chops right in front of the referee - probably Don Koharski. A two-minute penalty was assessed - and rightly so. On the ensuing penalty that started in the 3rd period, Scott Young scored to tie the game at 2. The Avs later won the game in overtime as well as the two following games to eliminate the "Dead"hawks and win the right to face Detroit in the Conference finals and ultimately to sweep the Florida Panthers in the Stanley Cup finals.
Do any of these facts have a point? Yes, Matt Dillon. If greenhorn Shantz keeps his cool, the Hawks don't give up the power play goal, win the series and ultimately the franchise's first Stanley Cup since 1961.
Flashforward to April 20, 2009. Enjoying a 2-0 series advantage over the Flames, the Hawks near the end of the game enduring a 4-2 beating. No one thought the kids would sweep and Game 3 was resigned to defeat. Yet there was Adam Burish selfishly making a meaningless hit on Rene Bourque with time winding down. No penalty was assessed, but you can bet your ass a suspension is coming.
Burish is a pint-sized tough guy with a heart of gold. No scorer, his presence on the ice gives the enemy pause when they are lining up Toews or Kane with a hit. Now he'll be gone and this will give Calgary the shot in the arm to rebound and take the series.
That's right puckheads, you heard it here first. Just like Shantz's stupidity cost the Hawks the championship in '96, Burish's brain-fart just did the same in '09. And it need not have happened. But when you field a team of kids with little playoff experience, this is what you get. Selfish, dim-witted penalties that take your boot off your enemies throat.
What was Burish doing on the ice - announcing their presence with authority? NUTS TO THAT! Now is the time for maturity, professionalism, restrained cojones, and a couple of Sutter brothers to mill around and not break anything. Is Mark Messier willing to come out retirement and rescue these mutts?
The Hawks won't, and don't deserve to, advance. All Burish can do is take his penalty, sit by himself, and feel shame...and then go free. Free to go back to Medicine Hat and reflect on his sins that cost his team the playoffs. And that's the word of Sand.
Do any of these facts have a point? Yes, Matt Dillon. If greenhorn Shantz keeps his cool, the Hawks don't give up the power play goal, win the series and ultimately the franchise's first Stanley Cup since 1961.
Flashforward to April 20, 2009. Enjoying a 2-0 series advantage over the Flames, the Hawks near the end of the game enduring a 4-2 beating. No one thought the kids would sweep and Game 3 was resigned to defeat. Yet there was Adam Burish selfishly making a meaningless hit on Rene Bourque with time winding down. No penalty was assessed, but you can bet your ass a suspension is coming.
Burish is a pint-sized tough guy with a heart of gold. No scorer, his presence on the ice gives the enemy pause when they are lining up Toews or Kane with a hit. Now he'll be gone and this will give Calgary the shot in the arm to rebound and take the series.
That's right puckheads, you heard it here first. Just like Shantz's stupidity cost the Hawks the championship in '96, Burish's brain-fart just did the same in '09. And it need not have happened. But when you field a team of kids with little playoff experience, this is what you get. Selfish, dim-witted penalties that take your boot off your enemies throat.
What was Burish doing on the ice - announcing their presence with authority? NUTS TO THAT! Now is the time for maturity, professionalism, restrained cojones, and a couple of Sutter brothers to mill around and not break anything. Is Mark Messier willing to come out retirement and rescue these mutts?
The Hawks won't, and don't deserve to, advance. All Burish can do is take his penalty, sit by himself, and feel shame...and then go free. Free to go back to Medicine Hat and reflect on his sins that cost his team the playoffs. And that's the word of Sand.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
An Easter meal in the States, and then the playoffs....
I’ve been cooking for the last two days to keep my brother happy. He’s putting together his first real dinner party at his new house, so I thought I’d give it my best. He’s a good man, but he’s wound pretty tight, and he hates baseball. Sometimes the truth hurts.
In going through my cook books, I started to wonder: how long has French been the language of cooking? I mean, I get the Julia Child thing, but can’t we just use normal talk now that we run the world? Even the Italians (whose food kicks the derriere off of any of the frog stuff) only get stuff like “mezzaluna,” which is a gadget that chops onions, or something. From the surrender monkeys we get “mise en place,” which means putting all your taco fillings in little bowls, “cuisine,” which means Mexican food in general, and “restaurant,” yes, I said “restaurant.” The Jerry Lewis lovers gave us the word “restaurant.”
All this Frenchie talk reminds me that the Stanley Cup playoffs start on April 15. I love that the Hawks don’t deal with Frenchies. There’s no DesJardins and no Brisbois. We don’t have to cheer every one of Dion Phaneuf’s goals. The Hawks are just honest-to-goodness Americans (wink, wink) – working with Russians, Czechs, Swedes, Canadians (the good kind,) and an ACTUAL FRENCHMAN whose name sounds like bird food. It turns out that our first round opponent will be Calgary, so “O, Canada” will be sung in English. After 9/11, when we went to war with the French, I was tearing up when our elected officials changed French fries to “freedom fries.” The power of rhetoric wasn’t lost on Washington, and it shouldn’t be lost on us.
Tonight, I gave my wife a freedom kiss goodnight and slipped off into dreamworld. I saw visions of Brian Campbell actually playing defense, Patrick Sharp with working body parts, and a bunch of teenagers figuring out how to win a playoff round. When I woke up, my wife rewarded me with a heaping plate of freedom toast which I washed down with a bottle of California sparkling wine mixed with Florida orange juice. Nothing “mise en placed” about that. And that's the word of Sand.
http://www.throwingheat.vpweb.com/
In going through my cook books, I started to wonder: how long has French been the language of cooking? I mean, I get the Julia Child thing, but can’t we just use normal talk now that we run the world? Even the Italians (whose food kicks the derriere off of any of the frog stuff) only get stuff like “mezzaluna,” which is a gadget that chops onions, or something. From the surrender monkeys we get “mise en place,” which means putting all your taco fillings in little bowls, “cuisine,” which means Mexican food in general, and “restaurant,” yes, I said “restaurant.” The Jerry Lewis lovers gave us the word “restaurant.”
All this Frenchie talk reminds me that the Stanley Cup playoffs start on April 15. I love that the Hawks don’t deal with Frenchies. There’s no DesJardins and no Brisbois. We don’t have to cheer every one of Dion Phaneuf’s goals. The Hawks are just honest-to-goodness Americans (wink, wink) – working with Russians, Czechs, Swedes, Canadians (the good kind,) and an ACTUAL FRENCHMAN whose name sounds like bird food. It turns out that our first round opponent will be Calgary, so “O, Canada” will be sung in English. After 9/11, when we went to war with the French, I was tearing up when our elected officials changed French fries to “freedom fries.” The power of rhetoric wasn’t lost on Washington, and it shouldn’t be lost on us.
Tonight, I gave my wife a freedom kiss goodnight and slipped off into dreamworld. I saw visions of Brian Campbell actually playing defense, Patrick Sharp with working body parts, and a bunch of teenagers figuring out how to win a playoff round. When I woke up, my wife rewarded me with a heaping plate of freedom toast which I washed down with a bottle of California sparkling wine mixed with Florida orange juice. Nothing “mise en placed” about that. And that's the word of Sand.
http://www.throwingheat.vpweb.com/
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
773 202....DCUP
Not to get off topic here, but did anyone catch the White Sox game on TV today? If so, did you catch the rack on the Luna Carpet girl? KACHOW!
I feel as much allegiance to the Empire Guy as anyone else. I mean, I remember his commercials on Channel 32 between "The Space Giants" and "What's Happening!" back in 1978. But if Luna keeps up this quality advertising, they get my unequivocal carpet endorsement. And that's the word of Sand.
I feel as much allegiance to the Empire Guy as anyone else. I mean, I remember his commercials on Channel 32 between "The Space Giants" and "What's Happening!" back in 1978. But if Luna keeps up this quality advertising, they get my unequivocal carpet endorsement. And that's the word of Sand.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Bear Leader Pretend
Now that the exuberance has died down a touch and focus has turned to opening day, the playoff bound Blackhawks, the playoff bound Bulls, and Korean rockets, it's time to inject some reason into the state's bloodstream.
Jay Cutler is not it. I repeat, "Jay Cutler is not it." He's saying all the right stuff right now, but the 25-year old snot who once stated, "I have a stronger arm than John Elway, hands down. I'll bet on it against anybody's in the league. Brett Favre's got a cannon. But on game days, there's nobody in the league who's going to throw it harder than I am at all" will be run out of town by 2011.
If he were it, he'd be it. But he's not it.
Here's what we can look forward to in 2009:
- After being sacked 5 times in Game 3 against the Vikings, Cutler will quip, "If you got 9 guys doing their jobs and 2 half-assing it, those 2 undo everything the other 9 did. It's time some people look in the mirror." The Bears are 1-2
- The Monday after Game 3, Cutler finds a fresh dump in his locker.
- Cutler throws 3 interceptions in Game 7, but Hester returns 2 kick-offs for TDs against the Falcons for the win. Cutler quips, "I can't understand why our receivers can't bring those balls down. If it's good enough to tip to the other guy, why isn't it good enough to catch?" The Bears are 4-3.
- Down 10-0 in Game 11 against the Packers, Cutler throws sideline tantrum after Lovie calls for a Jason McKie run on 3rd and 8 goes for -1 yards. Cutler gets yanked for Grossman who trips over the 40 yard line, tears his ACL and is done for the season. The Bears are 6-5.
- Bears lose Game 14 against the Lions. Cutler is quoted as saying, "It's still in our hands." The Bears are 7-7.
- In week 16 the Bears lose an 11 point lead against the Cowboys with 7 minutes remaining to be eliminated from the playoffs. Nathan Vasher gets deked by slot receiver Patrick Crayton to lose the game prompting a tongue lashing from Cutler. Olin Kreutz intervenes by breaking Cutler's jaw with the Dial-a-down. The Bears finish the season at 8-8.
Enjoy the ride Chicago suckers. You heard it here first. And that's the word of Sand.
Jay Cutler is not it. I repeat, "Jay Cutler is not it." He's saying all the right stuff right now, but the 25-year old snot who once stated, "I have a stronger arm than John Elway, hands down. I'll bet on it against anybody's in the league. Brett Favre's got a cannon. But on game days, there's nobody in the league who's going to throw it harder than I am at all" will be run out of town by 2011.
If he were it, he'd be it. But he's not it.
Here's what we can look forward to in 2009:
- After being sacked 5 times in Game 3 against the Vikings, Cutler will quip, "If you got 9 guys doing their jobs and 2 half-assing it, those 2 undo everything the other 9 did. It's time some people look in the mirror." The Bears are 1-2
- The Monday after Game 3, Cutler finds a fresh dump in his locker.
- Cutler throws 3 interceptions in Game 7, but Hester returns 2 kick-offs for TDs against the Falcons for the win. Cutler quips, "I can't understand why our receivers can't bring those balls down. If it's good enough to tip to the other guy, why isn't it good enough to catch?" The Bears are 4-3.
- Down 10-0 in Game 11 against the Packers, Cutler throws sideline tantrum after Lovie calls for a Jason McKie run on 3rd and 8 goes for -1 yards. Cutler gets yanked for Grossman who trips over the 40 yard line, tears his ACL and is done for the season. The Bears are 6-5.
- Bears lose Game 14 against the Lions. Cutler is quoted as saying, "It's still in our hands." The Bears are 7-7.
- In week 16 the Bears lose an 11 point lead against the Cowboys with 7 minutes remaining to be eliminated from the playoffs. Nathan Vasher gets deked by slot receiver Patrick Crayton to lose the game prompting a tongue lashing from Cutler. Olin Kreutz intervenes by breaking Cutler's jaw with the Dial-a-down. The Bears finish the season at 8-8.
Enjoy the ride Chicago suckers. You heard it here first. And that's the word of Sand.
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