The Celebrity of Athlete

Every once in a while, I like to check out the competition to see what those imitators are up to. Cruising espn.com, I come across Bill Simmons’ most recent article on a conversation that he had with his wife about the Brody Jenner and the latest plot twists on “The Hills.” My first thought is thank god my wife left has finally left me. (Actually my first thought was, where are “The Hills”?) Second thought…who is Brody Jenner? Wikipedia confirms my suspicion; Brody, the big reality star, is Bruce’s son and there is some mention of Bromance which I don’t want to know about. On top of that Bruce has his own reality show with his wife based on the life of his step daughter who is famous for her big butt and a sex tape. Wow.

Now, here is the $31 question: How did Bruce keep himself relevant years after Wheaties. (Note: Bruce maintained semi-relevancy for his performance as Jim Gregory – Grambling University’s first white football player in 1981’s TV Movie “Grambling’s White Lion” featuring Dennis Haysbert as James ‘Shack” Harris. ((note to note: Haysbert went on to portray Pedro Cerrano in 3 “Major League” movies as well as Max ‘Hammer’ Dubois in 1992’s “Mr. Baseball” starring Tom Selleck. (((note to note to note: “Mr. Baseball is about an ego-maniacal American first baseman who gets his comeuppance playing in Japan. It is actually quite good.))).

So what does it take now for an athlete to switch over to the money machine of celebrity given the national short span of attention? Well, I talked to an agent friend of mine and off of the top of his head, he rattled off what he called the “4 Quadrants of Revenue Generation” that he works on with all of his clients:

1) “Be Hot” – He asked me if I had ever heard of Gina Carano, Leryn Franco, and Natalie Gulbis. I hadn’t, but quickly found out that they make up 30% of the top ten athlete internet searches in 2008. My own Google searcg revealed - yep you guessed it - mixed martial arts, javelin, and golf.

2) “Be Good at a White Collar Sport” - Top Athlete Endorsers are Tiger and Phil who earned $105 Mil and $53 Mil respectively in 2008. Oh yeah, Phil is Phil Mickelson. I argued in vain that Golf shouldn’t count since it is really more of a skill than a sport much like skeet shooting. His lack of interest in one of the oldest bar room arguments reminded me that I was talking to an agent.

3) “Maximize your Logos” - On that same list, you find Dale Earnhardt Jr., Jeff Gordon, and Kimi Raikkonen… otherwise know as Never Won a Race, Used to Win Races, and No Idea Who This Is? The Agent then offered up a secret that I promised I wouldn’t let out…it’s only a matter of time before baseball or football will break the seal and start wearing logo-ridden Euro soccer style jerseys. Won’t tell a soul.

4) “Be Weird and Pathetic.” - Rodman is on that Trump show. Tyson has a movie out. Kimbo is another entrant in the top ten internet athlete searches. And this brings me back to Bruce Jenner.

I asked him how he worked with his clients on these four areas. He laughed and said, “Why do you think Jordan played so much golf. If he had gotten good enough, he would have gone golf way before baseball.” That makes sense.

And that’s the word of Sand.