The Celebrity of Athlete

Every once in a while, I like to check out the competition to see what those imitators are up to. Cruising espn.com, I come across Bill Simmons’ most recent article on a conversation that he had with his wife about the Brody Jenner and the latest plot twists on “The Hills.” My first thought is thank god my wife left has finally left me. (Actually my first thought was, where are “The Hills”?) Second thought…who is Brody Jenner? Wikipedia confirms my suspicion; Brody, the big reality star, is Bruce’s son and there is some mention of Bromance which I don’t want to know about. On top of that Bruce has his own reality show with his wife based on the life of his step daughter who is famous for her big butt and a sex tape. Wow.

Now, here is the $31 question: How did Bruce keep himself relevant years after Wheaties. (Note: Bruce maintained semi-relevancy for his performance as Jim Gregory – Grambling University’s first white football player in 1981’s TV Movie “Grambling’s White Lion” featuring Dennis Haysbert as James ‘Shack” Harris. ((note to note: Haysbert went on to portray Pedro Cerrano in 3 “Major League” movies as well as Max ‘Hammer’ Dubois in 1992’s “Mr. Baseball” starring Tom Selleck. (((note to note to note: “Mr. Baseball is about an ego-maniacal American first baseman who gets his comeuppance playing in Japan. It is actually quite good.))).

So what does it take now for an athlete to switch over to the money machine of celebrity given the national short span of attention? Well, I talked to an agent friend of mine and off of the top of his head, he rattled off what he called the “4 Quadrants of Revenue Generation” that he works on with all of his clients:

1) “Be Hot” – He asked me if I had ever heard of Gina Carano, Leryn Franco, and Natalie Gulbis. I hadn’t, but quickly found out that they make up 30% of the top ten athlete internet searches in 2008. My own Google searcg revealed - yep you guessed it - mixed martial arts, javelin, and golf.

2) “Be Good at a White Collar Sport” - Top Athlete Endorsers are Tiger and Phil who earned $105 Mil and $53 Mil respectively in 2008. Oh yeah, Phil is Phil Mickelson. I argued in vain that Golf shouldn’t count since it is really more of a skill than a sport much like skeet shooting. His lack of interest in one of the oldest bar room arguments reminded me that I was talking to an agent.

3) “Maximize your Logos” - On that same list, you find Dale Earnhardt Jr., Jeff Gordon, and Kimi Raikkonen… otherwise know as Never Won a Race, Used to Win Races, and No Idea Who This Is? The Agent then offered up a secret that I promised I wouldn’t let out…it’s only a matter of time before baseball or football will break the seal and start wearing logo-ridden Euro soccer style jerseys. Won’t tell a soul.

4) “Be Weird and Pathetic.” - Rodman is on that Trump show. Tyson has a movie out. Kimbo is another entrant in the top ten internet athlete searches. And this brings me back to Bruce Jenner.

I asked him how he worked with his clients on these four areas. He laughed and said, “Why do you think Jordan played so much golf. If he had gotten good enough, he would have gone golf way before baseball.” That makes sense.

And that’s the word of Sand.

The Crappy Music of Chicago

With the resurgence of Chicago as a sports town (more on that later), I have been spending a lot more time in my car hitting the stadiums, junkets and related events. While I usually listen to my Lou Reed or Cars tapes (that is correct, I still have a stereo cassette player) I have found myself listening a bit more to Chicago rock radio and here’s a fact, WXRT plays at least one song by Collective Soul per day. For those of you who are not aware, Collective Soul is a bad proto-alternative band out of Georgia that has been releasing hack job power ballads for 15 years. They are the poster child for what WXRT’s plays these days and a sad reminder that Chicago does not have a modern rock station.
For those who are not aware, WXRT started as an independent radio station in the seventies and had a 20 year run as an innovative and ground-breaking beacon of adventuresome music. Their core on-air staff has not changed in 25 years. But since they got bought by Clear Channel in the early 90s, they suck worse with each passing day.
Does anyone remember when WXRT was at the forefront of modern rock? They played the Afghan Whigs, Galaxie 500, Frank Zappa, the Silos, American Music Club, and went deep into albums to expose Chicago to the non-single album gems. Each DJ had his/her artistic leaning and it served the greater purpose of the station’s personality. Now it’s a steady stream of Spin Doctors, Smash Mouth, Elvis Costello’s Greatest Hits, Tom’s Diner, and Collective Soul and it is simply sickening.
Oh, you didn’t know Tim knew his rock? I’ll tell you sunny-jim, when I started here in 1993 I got to see the Blake Babies and Urge Overkill in their martini lounge glory. I saw Liz Phair at the Beat Kitchen and was there when Lloyd Cole opened the Double Door. I likes my rock and what I hear these days makes me want to retch.
I can see it now, Mayor Daley is driving downtown with some members of the Olympic Selection Committee and one of them says, “Richard, you know what I would fancy - hearing this city’s premiere modern rock station? Ooh that would be a true delight.” And Richard would hem and haw until he remembered that Billboard stating, “WXRT – we snuck into your room and are playing your record collection” and of course Richard would know they weren’t talking about his Billy Ocean collection and he would direct the driver to 93.1 FM where, out of the car speakers would come, “One, two princes here before you…………” and they would laugh Richard off LSD.
Imagine the city not getting the Olympics because our music sucks? That would be sweet poetic justice. But nothing is going to change. Teri Hemmert is going to play the Beatles and the new guy is going to play the same Amy Winehouse single over and over again. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
It doesn’t have to be this way, a simple tweak to the current and you can still satisfy the Lenny Kravitz crowd while getting Ted Leo and the New Pornographers into the mix, but the geriatrics at XRT aren’t having. Their 2.1% market share and free tickets to Ravinia are enough to keep them complacent and mired in mediocrity and it is we who suffer.
Oh and by the way, Chicago sports are fun again. Go Team. And that’s the word of Sand.